My Grandpa Pretzer

On Friday night I got some terrible news from my mom. Her dad, My grandpa who lives in Michigan, wasn't going to make it. My grandpa has been in and out of the hospital for over a year and has been recently going to dialysis three times a week. Friday, he had a doctors appointment and the doctor told him that there really wasn't anything they could do aside from continuing the dialysis which was essentially what has been keeping him alive. So, with that news from the Dr my grandpa decided that he was going to stop going to dialysis. Upon his decision to stop dialysis the Dr told him and my grandma that his body will slowly start to shut down and it could take 1-2 weeks for him to pass. Because of this decision my mom will be flying back to Michigan on Tuesday to see him and say her good byes. It is absolutely devastating news, but knowing that it is his decision and that he is at peace with it, makes is somewhat easier to accept. He never wanted to be put into assisted living or anything of that sort so this was his decision and what he wants to do. My grandma is also at peace with his decision which was good to hear because they have been married for over 50 years and we were really worried about how she would be able to handle my grandpa passing away.

I have felt so torn about what to do because I am scheduled to fly to California early Wednesday morning and have an appointment to go dress shopping on friday with all of my bridesmaids, Bobby's mom and my mom, but now of course my mom will not be there. On top of the dress appointment I have my best friend's baby shower on Saturday. I debated whether or not to change my flight and go to Michigan with my mom for support and to see my grandparents, but my mom told me that I should do what I already had planned. I don't know if I will ever really know if it was the right decision....I have not seen my grandparents in years. We used to be a lot closer with them when they were living in Florence, but after I graduated they moved to Michigan and I have not seen them since. We keep in contact through my mom and holiday/birthday cards, etc but unfortunately we just aren't as close as we used to be when I was younger but I still love them both with all of my heart and have amazing memories with them that I will cherish forever.

 It is especially difficult for me because this will be the first grandparent that I have to pass away...so even though we may not be especially close, it doesn't make it any easier. I do not handle these situations very well...I never know what to say or how to act. I am always worried I am not reacting in the right way, not saying the right things to comfort people, etc...I know there is no "right" way to act towards someone or to act in general, but I am always just so worried about not saying the right things...I know that that is a dumb thing to think and worry about because it really doesn't matter, but it is how I feel.

I am really glad that my mom is able to go out and see him and say her good byes. I know she is extremely close with her parents and it is very important that she is able to say her good byes. I know she is very strong and that it will give her so much more peace being able to do that. I of course will miss her greatly at the dress appointment and just in general because I have not seen her since July. It is hard, especially during times like this, to be SO far away from family and friends, but I pray for them everyday and there's never a second that goes by that I am not thinking about them. I pray that he goes without pain, and I pray that everyone has a sense of peace about his passing knowing that he was able to make the decision on his own and that it is what HE wanted.